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Friday, August 11, 2006

I am jealous .... Actually very Jealous.........

I am not a jealous person......

I thought I was ok if baby #2 took awhile (since I have Orion), then I see other people with no problem and today it hit hard.

Just a few minutes ago someone we know came by to pick up a gift certificate and well before she came I had this feeling she was pg (
they were trying for #3) She walks in the door signs her check then asks me how #2 is coming and I said nothing yet (feeling that empty pit in my tummy) but we will know for sure in the next week and a half. Since she asked I felt inclined to ask her "how about you any luck with #3?" She stands up straight then rubs her hand down her belly and there it was a little bump said she is due in January. All that went thru my head was I knew it, I just knew it, then it hit me I was jealous of that bump and how easy they have had getting pg with there babies, they decide they want another and bang they are pg.
Once again I was reminded of my infertility and I felt some anger and sadness all over, wondering once again WHY why why.....
I knew #2 was not going to happen fast either for us but you always have that hope you may get surprised but I guess that is just wishful thinking.

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