Tuesday, August 29, 2006
I still don't feel very pg, starting to get tired more and that is it, yes I am worried but trying not to stress about it to much (yeah right...lol.. a person who has had 5 losses not stress about her current pg...hm easier said then done.)
wish for great beta numbers.....
Got my HCG Beta numbers in they are at 3171 they say that is right where them like to see it......
Still don't feel very pg, I am more tired then normal that is about it......
We went on our 1st road trip with Orion. My mum Orion and I went to an old friend of mine Wedding in North Battleford SK. We left here at 10:44am and arrived there are 8pm not to bad for having a wee guy and getting lost....lol
The signs in SK are not very well put in my opinion, either they were missing or so far into the intersection that we could not see them plus you never got a warning as for the turn coming up till you were on it, so much for sharp turns. When we were to turn on route 21 I did not see any route signs till it said route 60 (ah can you say way past the turn off..lol) we were almost into Saskatoon a few miles past North Battleford. I stayed calm, I figured we will get there eventually and this was Friday the wedding was not till 3pm on Saturday so we had a few hours.
We finally made it to the Inn got settled in went and got Mc D's for supper then we went to sleep around 11pm. Around 1am you could hear this loud music (you can tell it was from a car) and of course it pulls up in front of our door they honk the horn and get out laughing, I could hear people talking and giggling then 1/2hr they get back into the car and honk twice (*&*%&#) ok they are leaving fall back to sleep, 2:15am they are back and once again honking there horn playing loud music they did not stay long again and left honking the horn again...... I was growling at this point...lol my mum was not impressed and Orion was still sleeping. Fall back to sleep again ... 3am they are back and yup honking again talking loud so I get up and call the front desk to ask if they had security she said no so I told her that we have some rowdies either in room 114 or 113 not to sure and they keep honking there horn and playing music, she said she'd call the rooms and also the RCMP. after that all was quiet....awe sleep finally..... One lesson learned out of all that is that Orion sleeps threw anything...lol
Got to the wedding it was a beautiful day she was a beautiful bride (well she has always been a beautiful girl) her two boys walked her down the isle holding up her dress for her as she walked across the path to the grass. She walked up to her future held his hand said there vows and sealed it with a kiss
here is Orion with my mum all dressed for the occasion:
silly me forgot his hat in the car.
here is my friend and I
I myself preffer to be behind the camera not in front of it.
All in all it was a nice day for a wedding.
Mum and I drove back Sunday morning and guess what we got lost (we came back a certain way and got lost in the big city that is 3hrs from my home. I have not been there in ages so the roads I thought I knew were closed off so I just drove around waiting for a sign to let me know what way to go...... ah we saw one which lead us to another closed road but I followed the other cars in front of me and then I saw another sign for HWY #2 that is what I wanted...... We made it home at 9pm, safe and sound. Orion was such a good boy threw out the whole trip never complained much only when hungry and a dirty diaper.
Once again I am so blessed with this little man in my life.
Thursday, August 24, 2006
A what use to be a good friend (long story here) we are more of acquaintance.
Well she just had a baby girl (second baby after NEVER wanting any, had an abortion once too) She kind of dissed me and another good friend, yes we are a bit upset by it too.....anyways I just got a phone call from her neighbor that is giving her a baby shower for the baby girl "Aysha" (this is where I am upset) this is the name we have had for out DD if we should have one yes she new this ( I am kind of giving her the benefit of the doubt that maybe she forgot but I really don't think so), dh and I have had this name before we got married and everyone new it I mean EVERYONE, And here she named her DD it after she told me that they were thinking of naming her Adida.
I really don't want to go to the baby shower for a couple of reasons:
1) she dissed mine, after she told my sis she was coming
2) It is at 7pm Orion's bedtime is at 8pm
3) It just erks me and my other friend to pieces because this girl never told or invited us to her wedding (she was in both of ours) never told us she was pg (this is the second time she sprung a pg on me.)
do I have a right to feel this way????
I still don't know if I am going.
I don't want to be mean but then she never thought of my feelings that she never came to see Orion once, she only saw him when I happened to be at some breakfast party she was at (that is were I saw she was pg) then after that she came and dropped off Orion's baby gift he was 9month old at the time and the gift was now to small for him..
If I have a DD I will still use the name "Aysha"
First HCG Level 130 mIU/mL (at 14dpo (day af was to arrive) 4w pg)
Second HCG Level 336 mIU/ml (at 16dpo)
Days Between Tests 2 days
Doubling Time 35 hours
Daily Rate 1.61
They are happy with the #'s, geesh I am happy with the numbers...lol they are better then when I was pg with Orion....lol
So know I need to look into renting a doppler (seems all the other one are in use...lol)
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
My sis J was on the phone with me when she opened her e-mail. It took what felt like forever for the pic to load on her computer, when it finally did she read it like .....I'm....gonna....be....a...big.......(pause here)"OMG! Oh Y this is a great way to tell the news.
I had to call my mum and B(10am, I know mum is normally up between 7-8), when B answered he said I saw your news and it is wonderful, them my mum came on she was all happy. B told me later when I came back from my IVIG, that he woke at 7am (which he does not do) let the dogs out then decided to check his email and saw one from me and thought what cute pic of Orion is she sending as it opened he said he had to read it like 4 times before it sunk in then he said he had the biggest smile. SO he snuck back upstairs to mum who was still asleep and he whispered in her ear "I know something you don't know" and gave her hints till she got it..
Then my other sis H phones me from her work asking "So it's 2weeks now are you pg?" I said you have to check you email when you get home, she said It is to dang(not the word she used) slow and probably won't load" then I told her that J was going to tell her to come over to look at it. so she said your pg...lol I said look at the email...lol
My niece calls from her cell and screams "YEAH!, oh it's T by the way...lol" she is all excited and is hoping for a girl.
My sis H calls back later and said I knew it, I knew it ...lol she is happy too.
1 IVIG down 6 more to go. When I went to the Day Medicine at the Hospital they ended up putting me in a room with people that could be my grandmothers...lol... The way they looked at me when I walked in the wonder in there eyes, then the nurses would walk up to me and say "this can only mean one thing?.....me "YUP"....."Congratulations they'd say" and as they walked away the other patients looked at me with more curiosity...lol
My blood pressure through out the 2.5 hrs was: 120/70 , 110/70, 106/67, then 110/70.
When the IVIG was down boy did my left arm hurt again it was so hard to straiten it.
I read a book the whole time right now I am reading Summer Sisters by Judy Blume ( an author I loved as a kid...lol)
2 HCG Betas down 13 more to go.
I called the clinic today for my Monday results and when Nurse A called back she said my numbers are appropriate.....what appropriate, I need #'s... She said today's draw will let her know better and she will give me the numbers tomorrow....What again? I can not have the numbers from Monday today? I am thinking I got my #'s with Orion no problem, just goes to show everyone works differently. Hopefully I get the "appropriate" #'s tomorrow..
I am ready for bed and it is only 9:23pm, Good Night all.
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
I will be calling the clinic tomorrow with my HCG levels, they must be alright because they have not called me today (I know they get the test the next day)
I have also once again became the Queen of TP checking and no sign of spot yet (she has visited with every pg I have had including with Orion) So just waiting for the day she arrives and I will say to myself.....do not panic, do not panic....... I have also been paying more attention to EVERY little twitch, pull and movement I make......... Oh this worrying never stops....... do not panic
I am nervous for my u/s, ONE being it is on Orion's B-day and I don't want anything to mess it up. TWO just plain scared.
Monday, August 21, 2006
Do you think they will get the hint...lol
I also went for my 1st HCG beta test today lets hope for goo numbers they should around these numbers: today I am 14 dpo (28days since last AF) the hcg levels 3 to 426mIU/ml (with Orion my levels were 154 so if I a mear that I will stay calm), keep your fingers crossed that the tests come back good. Please please pppplllllease.
Oh and my U/S is scheduled for Sept 12 at 10am. prayer we see a heart beat.
Sunday, August 20, 2006
When I told dh this today he said he liked it, he kept repeating it and kept saying he is liking it more and more. So it is looking like Rilon will be our next son if this one is a boy.
Oh and DH came home with one red rose tonight (I will get a pick later) He has bought me a rose for every special events in our lives started with our 1st date (which I still have today).
I did a little expirament with the save on test PG and OPK test along with the clear blue HPT.
The OPK test came up with 2 line in less the 1 minute as did the CBE but the save on test pg did not show 2 lines for almost 3minutes.
here is a pic after the 3min mark ------->
the two top ones are the save on test the bottom is the CBE
Saturday, August 19, 2006
I drive to my mums house by the time I get there I have put the HPT in my shorts pocket so they would not see it, when she came out I said please watch the boy I need to PEE as I dash by her. I get in the bathroom rip open the test and wonder what am I going to do with the wraping so I inspect it to make sure nothing says pregnacy test on it (it did not) so in the garbage it went. So mid strim I POA(the)S it came up looking like a negitive and I just sat there and stared at it, then what do I see change right before my eye..... YES, YES...a +, a BFP ...... OMG!!!! now what do I do?
Stick the test back into my pocket and act like nothing has changed. Later my mum asked me if I was pg yet my response was not too sure yet (well I was not sure...ok denial) said should know by the end of next week. The whole night she kept talking about babies...lol.. I am looking at Orion thinking Oh MY he is going to be a big brother (if everything works out right).
When I got home tonight, I told dh I am going to POAS (He does not now about the other 5tests) he was like OK Then.... and here it is still a BFP (no need for arrows here...lol)
Dh asked me if I am ready I said yes and no...... I am excited and scared.
Oh gosh here we go again...
I will be calling the clinic on Monday and they will set me up with the IVIG and most likely an U/S to make sure baby in in my Uterus.....
POAS 11 dpo (probably about 1hr after I did) this is what I see, I put an arrow just in case for those how don't have the eye to see...lol (told you obsessively line watching.)
POAS this morning 12 dpo and this is what I see just after 10 minutes (another arrow to help you out) temp is still up at 37.1 (and normally at 12dpo my temps start to drop, they have not yet)
Yes I know all about evap lines but with these test I looked back on old ones and I do not see any evap lines, then I asked some people on a message board I am on and they too have never seen any evap line on there test either.....
So not sure what to think and you can bet I will POAS again real soon.
I told myself I was not going to do this OBSESS but I caved and tested and well now I am addicted. I am addicted to P'ingOAS. I am not getting my hope up to high.
NO my family does not know this yet, I don't need to drive them crazy with my addiction especially it nothing comes of it, so those that know them don't say a word..... (no they do not read this blog, I gave them the opportunity once long time ago and they never read it they deleted the link.... not realizing what the link was for).....lol
Here is my temp chart:
DPO aka Days past Ovulating
POAS aka Pee on a stick (hpt ~ home pregnancy test)
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
I planted some seeds that I had hanging around and these are what came up, I think I found a couple but would like to know what the others are.
(Click on the thumbnails to see bigger pic)
#1) I think this is a Celosia
#2) I think Bells of Ireland?
#3) No clue what these are, kind of neat tho... Pretty
I have been told that this is ~ "Love in a mist" .... botanical name Nigella
#4) No clue again, pretty tho
"Bachelor Button" or cornflower, and botanical name is Centaurea
I know this one it is a Silver Mound
thanks, I have been on the internet trying to find some of these, I have had no luck...lol
Thanks to those that left a post...
A friend losses her unborn baby boy to Trisomy 18
Another had emerg C-sec to deleiver her baby girl at 31w, and has since found out her DD has Trisomy 22 Down syndrom, Yes many children with Downs can still do many things as I know little D will be ok she has a wonderful mommy and daddy and brother and sister that love her so much already. her mommy posted this is what there lives are like right now.
By: Emily Perl Kingsley
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you never would have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around and you begin to notice Holland has windmills and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandt's.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say, "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away because the loss of that dream is a very, very significant loss.
But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to go to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things about Holland.And now anther has just found out her DS has leukemia, he is in the hospital right now he is about 3yrs old he is get transfusions.
This is when you wonder why do these things happen, WHY! Children are so inoccent but yet this happens to them.......... what have the ever done?
Monday, August 14, 2006
I had some seeds that I put in my flower bed and these came up not sure what they are, it starts of green
Thanks a bunch
Saturday, August 12, 2006
The beginning of the last month of your baby's first year. A year ago you thought it would never end,(so far from the truth) now you are probably wondering where the time went. Time flies when you are having fun right? Or so they sayÂ
(and they were right)
This is probably a bigger month for you than for your baby. Your baby doesn't understand the concept of time, and for a couple more years at least, his birthday really won't mean much to him. However, many moms feel a touch of the "baby blues" as it gets closer to their baby turning a year old. If you find yourself in this position, try to find support in other moms, possibly from a play group, who are having the same thoughts and feelings you are.
What Your Baby Might Be Doing
Your baby and his appetite will go through many changes. About this point his appetite might drop, while his interest in food rises.(this has started to happen) A baby on average triples their birth weight by their first birthday, but only gains a few pounds between their first and second. Don't worry about your baby not eating enough, he will eat all he needs, and will learn early how to stop when he is full.
What You Might Be Concerned AboutEveryone around you is excited about your baby's first birthday party that is just around the corner. Everyone but you that is. You might be more concerned about over stimulating your baby, and you have good reason to be.
Even a baby that knows everyone who attends his birthday might find himself a bit overwhelmed at having everyone there at the same time. Keep the guest list down to a select few, or better yet, have a couple of parties, one for family and one for friends. Keep the dÃ©cor toned down as well. Remember, you baby doesn't understand or need a lot, and it is more for you and your guests at this point.
Make sure you plan the party at a good time for baby. Don't plan it for early afternoon, if you know your baby generally naps then. If he is overtired, he will not have a good time. Don't be afraid to let him eat and play in his cake. Many parents will choose to have two cakes, a small one for the baby to destroy, because he will destroy it if given the chance, and a bigger one for the party guests. Stay away from the clowns and other big "guests" for at least this year.
I have updated his photo gallery so check it out, click on his pic to the right ----->
So what is Orion really up to:
- He still just says Dada no matter how many times I say Mama to him Dada comes out of his mouth.
- He pulls himself up while holding on to my hands.
- He walks while holding our hands (and he is very proud of it)
- Finally starting to figure out that he can put food in his mouth with his own hands (well sort of, the food ends up in his palm which happens to end up in a fist he puts it to his mouth but not but 95% of the time it does not end up in his mouth because that fist will not open...)
- He tries to mimic the cats when they meow.
- He sleeps for 11.5hrs at night goes to bed at 8pm wakes at 7:30am (been doing that since he was 7.5months)
- He does not like it when I leave the room (how dare I)
Friday, August 11, 2006
I thought I was ok if baby #2 took awhile (since I have Orion), then I see other people with no problem and today it hit hard.
Just a few minutes ago someone we know came by to pick up a gift certificate and well before she came I had this feeling she was pg (they were trying for #3) She walks in the door signs her check then asks me how #2 is coming and I said nothing yet (feeling that empty pit in my tummy) but we will know for sure in the next week and a half. Since she asked I felt inclined to ask her "how about you any luck with #3?" She stands up straight then rubs her hand down her belly and there it was a little bump said she is due in January. All that went thru my head was I knew it, I just knew it, then it hit me I was jealous of that bump and how easy they have had getting pg with there babies, they decide they want another and bang they are pg.
Once again I was reminded of my infertility and I felt some anger and sadness all over, wondering once again WHY why why..... I knew #2 was not going to happen fast either for us but you always have that hope you may get surprised but I guess that is just wishful thinking.
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Orion and I went for a walk today and OMG Dragon flies EVERYWHERE, many riding each other (I am assuming mating). They were darting everywhere coming for me aiming for Orion I swear, He would laugh and chuckle but just before he fell asleep he started making that "I am not to sure about these things anymore" sounds then he fell asleep and left mommy wondering about those things...lol
As I get older I have noticed that bugs, insects creep me out more & more...... did I say a lot more. Creepy crawly, flying things, yuck, yuck, YUCK. Just think Orion will try to catch these bugs one day, mommy will have to slowly count to 10 before I start running ............
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Temp jumped up (as it should of) from 36.2 to 36.7. Lets keep our fingers crossed and hope that in 2w or 12days or for me 10days I will start testing with a HPT.
That was my last month on clomid I now will have to take a month or two off of it, give the body a break. If not pg this month I will be calling the clinic to set up anothre appt with Dr S and maybe start IUI with clomid.
wish us luck.
Monday, August 07, 2006
INTERPRETATION OF RESULTS
Negative Ovulation Test - No LH Surge:Only one color band appears on the control region or the test band is present but lighter in color intensity than the control band. There is no LH surge even if two lines present - as long as test line is fainter than the control line the result is negative.
Positive Ovulation Test - LH Surge:
If two color bands are visible and the test band is nearly equal to or darker than the control band, the ovulation will likely occur within 24-48 hours. To increase likelihood of pregnancy, the best time for egg fertilization is between 24 hours and 48 hours.
Invalid Ovulation Test - Uncertain Results:
No visible bands in the control and test regions. Make sure to follow the above specified instructions for optimum results.
As I told this to dh his response was "Oh man that means we have to do it again...." with a big grin on his face. Men....lol
so all I can do is hope that we catch that little egg.....
here is my chart: Temp Chart
Friday, August 04, 2006
Thursday, August 03, 2006
so here are some of what NOT to say to a woman that is traveling the infertility road..
Never say these phrases:
"You can always have another."
They don't want another baby, they want this baby.
"Now you have an angel looking after you."
They don't want an angel, they want their baby back.
"At least you didn't know your baby."
Whether you held your baby in your arms or only in your mind, this baby is real.
"Did you do something you weren't supposed to do?
Did I cause this? How could I have hurt my baby?
"I understand how you feel."
Even if you have had a miscarriage, every one feels their grief uniquely.
"Have you ever thought of not having children?"
Yes, I probably have I realize that I may never be a mother.
"Be grateful for the children you have..."
It isn't a question of being ungrateful or not appreciating what I have.
It’s probably for the best
The best for whom? Me? The now dead baby? You? The greater good of the nation? This does not make the person feel better.
It was God’s will
You know my feelings on this. God as a baby killer? I don’t think so. You as interpreter of God’s will? Even less.
There was probably something wrong with it
“It”?? So if you have a child and he has something wrong with him you are going to send him back and ask for another one?
It was not meant to be
Crap. Why was it not meant to be? Who decides? Why would I conceive at all if it was ‘not meant to be’?
Luckily it was early
You mean before it was a real baby and I got attached? Nope, this does not make any difference. It still hurts, like mad. Some of us love our babies from the minute we found out we are pg.
You can always have another
Oh, so children are now interchangeable? I am sure having another one will make me simply forget about that little inconvenience of a loss. This kid, that kid, much of a muchness really.
At least you know you can get pregnant
Yes, what a relief, because we all know the goal is pregnancy and not an actual real live baby.
Ah buddy, sorry, but at least you have another one.
Yes, thank God for that, This baby was really a spare baby any way because really I want the next one more....
Maybe your not meant to be a mom
Say what!! Not meant to be a MOM, what gives you the right and what makes you so special?
my personal favorite that was said to me from someone I work with:
You owe a debt to God that is why you keep loosing your pregnancies
I for one do not beleive God works that way, why would he do such a thing let me become pg then rip this baby away from me, what have I done to him.... I don't swear, don't drink nor smoke anything, I am good to my neighbour, I respect others....Owe a debt to god, no I do not think so.
What not to say to someone suffering from secondary infertility:
Be grateful you have at least one child
Yes the person is grateful to have their child, of course they are. Does this mean they are not allowed to want more? If you suffer from infertility are you suddenly only entitled to one child? Why shouldn’t they be allowed to want another? Luckily there aren’t limits to the amount of children available, so them having another wont take away one of yours. Why should they be satisfied with only one child if they want two?
What not to say to a person who is facing any one of these (and other) situations: threatened miscarriage, bleeding in pg, a low beta, a non doubling beta, messed up hormonal levels etc.
My cousin’s aunt’s best friend’s neighbor had the same situation and she was fine
Yes, perhaps she was, but those situations are the exception, not the norm. Again, don’t be dismissive of the person’s legitimate fear.
What not to say to a person who is suffering from depression:
Just snap out of it
Depression is a disease, you don’t just ‘snap’ out of diseases. Do you think the person LIKES being depressed? No, it’s horrible.
But you have so much to be grateful for
Yes, and the depressed person knows this, but unfortunately when you are suffering from depression, all the things that you have to be grateful for do not cure the depression. Depression is not about being ungrateful, it is a medical condition.
What not to say to a person who has a very sick child in the NICU
What will be, will be
That is supposed to make me feel better?
What not to say to a pregnant person:
God you look awful, aren’t pregnant people supposed to glow?
(men = zero sensitivity). If I look awful, granted, but you are not supposed to actually say it!!!
What not to say to a pregnant person after infertility who dares to bring up any slight (or even more serious) negative aspect of pregnancy:
You asked for this / you wanted this
Yes I wanted a baby, I did not want to have pain / hemorrhoids / high-risk pregnancy / gestational diabetes / bed rest etc etc.
Just be grateful you are pregnant at all
See above. Also remember that we are grateful for the opportunity to have a baby (hopefully). No one in their right mind would be grateful for any of the above. Got that? Am grateful to get baby, am not grateful for the not so nice stuff. Accepting yes, but also allowed to have a moan about it.
(I am sure there are plenty more, feel free to add)
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
This is my 4th month on clomid 5th month of TTC and nothing, well I am waiting to O.
A part of me feels that this time around is not going to be easy either..... just a gut feeling, I just hope that I do not have to go thru another heartbreak of loosing a baby (I think 5 was enough even one for that matter) I said it before and I will say it again, I hope that the IVIG works like it did that last time.
Just counting the months that pass by again with another unwanted AF and those lovely fertility drugs that can mess you up some........................
I am so grateful for my miracle boy Orion
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
She got a call from her Dr office about her unborn son, he has a cyst on his brain CPC which is a choroid plexus cyst. It's a cyst on the brain basically. In itself it doesn't cause any problems and the cysts usually resolve themselves by 24 weeks, BUT it is an indicator for Trisomy 18. Only 1-2% of normal babies have these cysts, while over 40% of trisomy 18 babies have them. The baby didn't have any other signs of trisomy 18 on the ultrasound, but the tech was only able to visualize one hand. Please pray that on Friday she get so good results from her amino.
I went to meet a friend and her little cousins, when I parked another car drove up and parked by me. Ok so here is the story..... When I looked over at them as I was getting Orion out of the car I noticed the women had quiet the hair style and it was a light pink shade in color when she got out of the car she was also dressed different then I, when the rest of her family got out I saw the dh and he was just as "alternative" (not sure it that is the right word) as she, three kids piled out of the car and were chatting away and laughing the parents were teasing them in a fun way. I smiled at them they smiled at me and Orion and I went on our way.
Well some point at the Zoo they walked by my friend and I and a bunch of other people and some of the comments I heard from these other parents about that family's mom, I was a bit taken back because the father that made the comment "I know we came to the zoo but I did not expect a circus either" as he laughed his kids were standing right there with him. No wonder kids get these attitude towards people it is from there "arrogant" parents. To me that is not called for yes they dressed different then most of us but they are still a family still have values still have feelings, there blood is red just like ours ...... So please keep your comments to yourself and don't poison my child's views.