Bittersweet

Today my mum called and told me that my Auntie M is getting married today (which is great). My aunt has been with J for about 20yrs, life was good for them... A little over a month ago J was taken to the hospital and they discovered his cancer was back and in the stomach. J was/is not doing to great so on one visit he announced to my mum he was going to marry her sister.

J was sent home and he lasted a week at home before ending up back in the hospital and has been there since. It almost seemed like the marriage was not going to take place because M was with J most of the time so others set things in motion for them to get married (one of J's sons and a neighbor friend) J was moved to a hospice the other day and today is the day they decided to say "I Do"

This is why it is bittersweet, they love each other, and for J he wants to make sure my Aunt M is taken care of after he is gone.

this photo I took of them back in 2003

What no smiles here

apparently it is hard to smile with these two. Well they were not so thrilled with the fake web stuff the neighbor put out..

Trick or Treat.........We survived Halloween...

Took the boys to the Mall's Marvelous Maskoween Party today, 1st time Halloweeners and they did really well. Lil O was not scared he kept yelling out Oh mamma look at the monsters {pause} Hi monsters HI as he is waving like mad...lol


We then watched a magic show (which I think went on a bit to long for the kids about 45mins) the kids all had a blast. The guy was good but by the time he was done they were all ready to take off.


Then we went and made a mask (mommy tried not to help to much) he did well.


He would not wear the mask at 1st then I tried it out and M took a photo (photo will come later) and then Ri tried it (that too will come later) and then Lil O wanted to give it a shot:
Could not get him to take it off after that...lol

Here he is leaving with dad to go Trick or Treating for the very 1st time

When they came back Dh said that he did say the Trick or Treat part and when he got the treats he'd look a dh and say "Ok lets go to the next house" He also wanted to go into the neighbors house next door she did let him in and when he said TorT to her she said of for the here you go and dumped a hand full into his bag. Geesh he is all ready working it...lol

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It was a really nice day for Halloween today since we had a blizzard this time last year. Thought we would of had more kids at the door but again maybe 20 or 30 came....maybe the just do not like to come into the Cul-de-sac.

Nothing like saving our youngest by the seat of his pants..

literally I did.

We went to a kids play area and Ri was playing of one of the climbing things and jumping up saying boo to all. Another mom started to play all with him and he got all excited that he went on his hands an knees to peek out of one of the holes but since he is still a little top heavy he started to fall out the hole head 1st. I was on the other side of the slide so I reached over the slide and grabed a hold of his pants by the waist just before his head hit the ground (it is matted the ground) and he was kind of hanging till and could lay him down. When I looked up breifly I saw all the other moms looking at me with there mouths open and a few said OMG. I knelt and pick up Ri and hugged him till his scare left him..... Just call me Momma Ninja

By golly I think I may just be O'ing

I have the O pain happening so I POAOS (peed on a Ovulation stick) and came up with 2 lines.... the bad part DH and I feel like crap our boys shared there colds with us. Do what ya gotta do right.

My new favorite cleaning tool

I had this burnt stain on my stove for the longest time and when I was out the other day I saw this scrub brush and thought what the hey..

Before:

After
Love it
dh was even impressed it is nice because I used no chemicals was so ever

Update on AF

Well no update really she still is not here....arrival date was to be Sept 20, guess she decided to skip out on me.....Hmmm not sure how I feel on that yet.

A Skunk and an Elephant.....

I went to the mall the other day to meet up with my sisters friend to get books 2 & 3 of the Twilight series, when we parted ways I went and signed the boys up to play in the Let's Play area and we had to wait an hour. I walked around and ended up in Old Navy where they had some kids costumes on sale $20.00 not much choice for boys but they had a couple that I hummed and hawed over. There was a Skunk and a Bat in Lil O's size but when he got a good look at the bat he did a weird shiver squishy face thing and said " oh oh that scary" I looked at it again and thought um yeah it is a little scary, it had pointy ears buck teeth with the tongue hanging out and evil looking eyes and the flapping wings so I passed on it and tried the skunk on Lil O and oh the comments that people made when the walked by him he'd shake his tale smile up at them and announce he was a skunk. For Ri well there was an elephant and it was to cute on him to pass up. I took them to the mirror so they could see themselves and the giggles and shakes they were doing and people laughing at them as they walked by. Do you think I could get it off Lil O when I went to buy it Nope I had to rip the tage off so the girl could scan it thru..lol

I took these with my new point and shoot camera (I wanted a pocket camera for those days I did and do not want to carry around my dSLR)

Sorry no update tonight

it is almost 2am, what am I still doing up you ask....Well I had to scan some receipts for our accountant since I forgot to give dh my photography receipts so I scanned and sent them off in an email. Then the internet sucked me in....

anyways I checked my blog rating and well I am happy to say:



Shoot was mentioned a couple of times, oops I wrote it again shoot...dang...shoot oh dang...shoot...hehehehe could be worse but I don't swear never have and don't plan to start. oh and shoot is regarding photography stuff

ok enough this chick is going to bed.

still no AF (not sure how I feel about that still)

Geesh where have I been....

nowhere that is, so why have I not posted lately...no reason....well yes...addicted to facebook...lol And editing photos.

I have a been told that I am falling behind on the boys photos, I do have lots but just not have put them on to flickr just yet. I will try and get to it tonight since DH is out of town.

Wordelss Wednesday ~ Night Lights

Well she is late again....

1 week AF is MIA and nope not pg.

I'm alive.......

Man I have been busy with my photography stuff. I took some photo of a Fitness Competitor. After we did this shoot she went to NYC for a competition and she came in 3rd now she is going to Worlds (I believe she said)

Here are a couple of photos:


She was fun to work with, look forward to shoot her again.

Now that I am done these I am off to edit some Boudoir and family shoots I have taken.

O looky it is a band aid

Lil O some how got his finger caught in the baby gate and in doing so cut his finger, screaming crying and squeezing mommy or daddy so tight in the process....then he calmed down. After daddy was done washing it I came in with the band aid...he looked at me like that is going where?? When I was done getting it on lil O announced "All better mama, thank you"

Guess it was not so bad...

Look who's 3

Man he has grown



Here he is today.


Sorry the shot is not so great, he would not stay still and Ri was hanging onto me..lol

Not good news when the Dr calls

Dr S called just now (fertility clinic) and informed me that my last FSH # jumped to 34 then went on to say the it most likely that I may not get pg again and to even have a good outcome if I do. If by miracle I do get pg I am to call her asap...



She said that she see this a lot in women that have Uterine Anomalies and that she was sorry.... my only response was "Yeah for infertility"...

I feel empty and that my body has yet again betrayed me. So now I am sitting here with tears falling down my cheeks.

Well I am very very grateful for my 2 boys.

Well it looks like the O fairy

may come to visit. I was at Co-op the other day and they had a sale bin and in it was an Ovulating kit (5 sticks) for $8 bucks I snatched it up.


Two dark lines to say that I shall be O'ing in 24-36 hours so of course we did the deed. Now the 2ww begins.

Sorry to those that opened this post and saw 2 lines 1st....nope not pg yet.

Please let me know if my blog is

to wide or if something is off, I was playing around with it but it is now 2am and I really need to go to bed...lol

Got my butt out the door

and went to one of the parks here in the city. It has been awhile since I walked around this park. In the winter it is a skating rink.... Lots of memories came back, funny how that happens, memories of when I was about 5 or 6yrs old. There was a play park with rides and little cars to ride and a kiddie train that went around part of the park...But all that is gone and it is closed off it is just traces of those rides left and the track of the train (I should of took a photo of that).
They did put of little kid parks along the path ways tho I saw about 4 of them. I was impressed at how well the park was kept up, an elderly lady stopped to chat and she said that she has been coming to this park since 1951 and for a while she said that it was not looking good and now it is a beautiful park to walk around in and she gets such a pleasure at seeing little ones walking around here.

I love digital because I shot over 200 photos today........

Oh that sister of mine

She just about got me too... J loves to throw a prank out there every now and then.

J called me and asked if I checked my email yet today, I said no. She told me to go look because she wants to know if it is true......(I am already flustered at this point with something else.) I open my email and I see this:

I think "what the" when I read it....and wondered how or how someone could do this. Then I started to look at it more and thinking to myself that is not a scanned image and the typo error.....I am still investigating it when I hear her start to giggle, then I new it was a joke.... I told her she almost had me.....lol

She wants to do this to my other sis H...

I have to think of something to get her back....hmmmmmm

Have you ever said yes but knew you should of said no...

That is what I did and now I am trying to figure how to get out of it..... I am getting all stressed and emotional over it. Backtracking is hard to do. I need a backbone.......

Oh what a sight....

If only I had the guts to pull my camera out of the bag.....

I took the boys to a little park yesterday (one we do not go to often) Just as we were getting ready to leave and saw this young girl or pre-teen walking with a stroller towards us, when I got a closer look she had her dog in the stroller (this is a baby stroller not the dog kind...) I was like oh okay interesting never thought to do that as a kid. She then gets the dog out for the stroller, I thought she was going to go over to the grassy field part of the park but no she took it to the slide and they went down it walked along the jungle gym part and then she put it in the baby swing (this is where I wish I could just pull out my camera and shot) Here I am worried about someone looking at me funny with a camera and yet here is this girl just doing her thing and pushing the dog in the baby swing.......

Look at my boy.....

My baby is turning into a toddler.....whaaaaaaaa. For the last couple of week or so he was taking a few steps between DH and I and the on the 26th he started to do it all on his own:

And a photo of the little man himself.

$87.23

That is what this costs me:


15 little pills (150mg of clomid) that I have to take for 5days not to mention the major hot flashes that have been coming my way oh and the mood swings.

As you can guess af found me she left as fast as she came, I had lite spotting for a day and then gone....poof. No cramps this time, One day shy of 3wks late.

Last Friday (22nd) I went to Wally world to fill the clomid prescription and I dropped it off walked around the store for a few minutes. When I came back to the pharmacy the pharmacist said that it was not done yet because they were not sure if my Dr made an error on the slip and wrote 150mg down instead of 100mg, apparently they are advises not to give 150mg to anyone..... So she tried calling the clinic and got voice mail so they sent a fax and were waiting for a response, this is a 3pm the clinic closes at 4pm....... So I left without my clomid and they said they'd call when it was ready. I guess the clinic called them Saturday because the called to say I can come get it, the pharmacist said that my Dr did not seem to concerned and said that she has giving that out to a few of her patients.

So I am home taking the hot flashing moody filled drug.....

Well I was attemping to shooting Lighting but then this happened.....

As far as I know everyone got out, the teenagers were only home not sure where mom was or is and dad was at work....from what the other neighbor told me the kids were smoking in the garage and the cig landed in a gas/oil pan.

My son saw it 1st he was eating his supper when I heard him say "oh mama look fire" ...I though what so I looked out the window and sure enough(It was small at this point only in the garage), so I scrambled for the phone to call 911 ...... So scary when it is so close to home. It all happened so fast and then it was this ball of fire I could feel the heat when looking out the window.....Neighbors were scrambling. The houses on both side of this were damage aswell I'd say from what I could see 2 of the 3 are lost.

A family needs prayers tonight..






I am still shaking

And it begins

Ri is starting to walk....YEAH... (I think) I am wondering if I need to become the "Incredible" mom with the arms that stretch to no end.



That's my boy/s as you see Lil O had to get in on it.

Ok who is holding AF hostage....hmmmm

somebody PLEASE send her my way... 1w 2days late... nope not pg.

On this day 8yrs ago

I married my friend
the one I laugh with,
Dream with
live for
love

My marriage is great we have had no major battles other then trying for a baby.... I love you

Ask if I am surprised..........

now if it was positive I would of been surprised. So where is AF oh where can she be, I want her to find me please please please..........

Well still no

sign of AF...... I have no pg tests here and I will not be able to get out tomorrow since mum and J are coming over and I do not need to get their hopes up yet.

Hmmm well no sign of spot or af

so does this mean I am either pg (which I do not think so) or my FSH levels are still high...... Spot always arrives 2days before AF and AF is due Monday.

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I am for some reason finding it really hard to leave the house, it just seems like so much work to pack everything up....maybe I pack to much...lol.... Diaper bag, juice, snacks, ect... my camera and not to mention I have to get dressed, I want to at least look presentable when I leave the house. I just keep finding excuses to not go out and yet I would like to get out and I really want to get the boys out and yet I find myself staying in and feeling guilty.


On another note this little guy flew into our window, I am amazed he was not hurt just more stunned then anything or scared the crap out of him (as you can see). He stayed there for quiet awhile the flew to the ledge hung out for a bit the flew off. He was still pretty tiny and must be learning to fly and had his 1st lesson in windows.....

I never knew it took a

a FULL day to put in air condition in the house which we did this last week and today they came to install the pure air filter system and cleaned out the furnace (which he said was pretty dirty, rocks and cement inside it) which took 7hrs...I tell ya that is quiet the job they have and they are good to. Of course since we had it installed it has not been very hot....lol.

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On another note Lil O is starting with the embarrassing words/comments...lol.
When we see a man young or old Lil O say "Hi Ole Man" and his best yet is he LOVES to announce when he toots "I tooted mama, I tooted" that is nice lil O thanks for telling us all.

Wordless Wednesday

Great my eggs are getting old....

that is what the Dr S said.

my last test of my Day 3 FSH levels back in Feb/Mar were 13 & 17

Follicle Stimulating Hormone (FSH) Day 3 FSH is often used as a gauge of ovarian reserve. In general, under 6 is excellent, 6-9 is good, 9-10 fair, 10-13 diminished reserve, 13+ very hard to stimulate. In PCOS testing, the LH:FSH ratio may be used in the diagnosis. The ratio is usually close to 1:1, but if the LH is higher, it is one possible indication of PCOS.

Another hurdle for baby, the journey just does not get easier does it. It also has me thinking that yea I am getting older to, I still feel like I am in my mid 20's (I can only wish)

So looks like we will be moving on to IUI if my next Day 3 test (FSH) comes back high as the Dr put it "we need to get aggressive". I have also noticed that AF has been much lighter then normal almost like a spot but a bit heavier and only stays maybe a day and a half that can be due to the high levels of fsh.

Clomid has not been to nice to me this month I have been very moody, snappy and the hot flashes oh my.........plus my head hurts.

Look what I shot last night

I was in my glory...lol both DH and I were going ooooo ahhhh wow..... These were taken from my bedroom window.

My new lens has arrived Sigma 18-200mm DC OS

and I likey alot. The big brown truck pulled up and came a knocking to my surprise, dh said ah mamma's new toy...the ups guy chuckled... I said my new lens, that is....don't want him thinking something else... so I slapped the sucker on my camera, dh said oh watch out boys momma is armed. My aim was the cat my stuckie boy here he is: this is SOOC other then a crop.

Wordless Wednesday

Click for more wordless Wednesday

You had to be there moment

I was bathing Lil O and as I was done with him I called for Ri. Dh was bouncing Ri on the exercise ball coming towards me and then he stood Ri up on the floor and gave him a little push to walk towards me (the boy does not walk yet) and so he actually took a quick step and then started to fall towards me, I am seeing this out of the corner of my eye so I reached out and grabbed him gave the "what the" look to dh as he started to laugh hard and then said I forgot this one does not walk yet...lol we had a good laugh over it.

Phew

my back hurts, when your kids do not feel well they just want to be held. Ri is all better now, then it was Lil O's turn last night.... He woke up a few time in the night so I just brang him to sleep with me, what a restless sleeper he is..you know that feeling you get like your falling in your sleep and then your body jumps well Lil O seems to do the 2 to 3 time in an hr, not sure if that is normal..

This morning he seems better and my back still hurts.

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playing around with my blog it is not 100% yet since I have only figure this xml stuff out with some help from SJH blog design it has been very helpful..... so bare with me till I find what I like..

Ri does not feel well

not sure if it was from the walk we went on the other day because buy the time we got home it was so hot so could be a little heat stroke since he was pretty out of it since then, before the walk he was fine. Or he could be teething some molars or he just plan feels like crap. He has not eating anything in the last 24hr I got about 3 cans of pediasure in him but since this afternoon he has had nothing what so ever he refuses what I try to offer him.

Why do they always get sick on a weekend or better yet a long weekend, I am so not a fan of walking clinics (bad experience as a kid)

I think he is finally asleep. he has been attached to me all day, my back hurts and I am tired. I am sure the neighbors are happy too.

Ya know I love summer

but I really do not like the bees, wasps and spiders that come with it. Why do they bother me now? They never use to.

I was outside the other day with my sis H and mum and the boys and a couple of bees (I think the were bees) kept flying around us and it just gives me the creepies... and then we all watched as not one but to went under my lower deck ack so that means I probably have a nest under there....great...now I will avoid going out till dh or someone gets rid of them. So we went up to the upper deck let the boys play some more and then another dang bee comes along and kept coming and going and I just had it because is was flying right around Lil O's face and started to freak him out, H grabbed lil O and I grabbed Ri and in we went. This just sucks I want to enjoy the outdoors as do my boys the love outside but I do not want to get attacked by bees and wasp and why are they so dang huge now they never use to be this big when I was a kid. I really have to get over this but even right now just typing this I get the shivers and creepies....

Video of Lil O

He loves to watch himself. When I pull it out to tape him he comes running to watch but I have to explain to him that he needs mommy to record 1st before he can watch......um....he does not get that just yet...lol...so I have to be creative and so I turned the screen for him to see himself and I recorded...

Man do days just fly by..

way to fast..

Here is a little video of Ri taken with the new digi cam: So far the camera is good for video (good for what I need it for) the picture taken part of it is not the greatest might be good for a still shot but not a moving 1 or 2yr old it becomes a blur the picture taking part of it is just not fast enough.